Camp-In

Freezing rain kept us from camping after Thanksgiving.  But we invited friends over for a camp-in instead:

A New Heart for God's Big Picture

The past two months have been excruciatingly hard for me and my family.

Looking back on my previous posts will explain why, if you don't already know (they go in backwards order, in blog most-recent-post-first fashion):

Celebration of Life
Faith in Regret
A Little Help from our Friends
Family Service
Peace and Comfort
Jesus is Our Hope
Moments of Normalcy
Great Family Weekend
Hard Times, Good Times
Trust Walk
Dad Update
Faith in the Big Picture
Ups and Downs
Boppa Update
Truth to Cling to When Life Gets Crappy

And, wow, did I write a lot.  We found out Dad's cancer had spread to his brain on August 23.  He passed away on October 18.  And every moment in between was so very hard.  Beautiful, but hard.

Now that Dad's family memorial service has come and gone, and his Celebration of Life event has come and gone, a new feeling has set in, mixing with the sadness and the memories of a good life with him.  The new feeling is determination.

The last two months have narrowed my focus to my family and my own needs, and rightfully so. It was a time for pouring everything into my mom and dad, my kids, my husband, and my own spiritual health as we all forged our way through those tough days.  Everything else had to stop.  We were in spiritual triage and I wasn't able to give much thought to friends, ministry, work, or the adoption process we are in the middle of.

In fact, three days after Dad passed away, I received a phone call from our adoption case worker, wanting to meet with us.  When I told him about my dad, he asked if I wanted him to close our file for a while.  I replied that we hadn't changed our minds at all.  We just needed a few weeks to deal with family things before we could continue to move forward with adoption.  He kindly said he would wait as long as we needed.  And so, adoption, and everything else, went on hold.

But driving up to Dad's Celebration of Life event on Saturday, I felt overwhelmed by God's Big Picture, and my small part in it.  I felt completely strong and filled with God's love, and I had grand glimpses into my hopes for my future here on this earth.  I felt a renewed vigor for using my time wisely, being the hands and feet of Jesus as much as I possibly can with the time I am allowed.

So, today begins a new day, a new beginning.  I will continue to grieve and miss my dad.  I will continue to be the best possible support I can be for my mom.  This is not going to be easy for her, as she has been my dad's sweetheart since their teenage years.  But I am also newly on fire for the greater mission in my heart, for God's Big Picture.

I am newly excited for...

...the mission of soaking in God's daily wisdom, truth, and love, knowing Him more, growing in Him daily.

...the mission of being a godly, loving, present wife and mother to my husband and kids.

...the mission of fostering deep, godly friendships, of raising kids together with families who share a strong love for God our Father.

...the mission of teaching Jesus in a fun and accessible way to the elementary kids at our church.

...the mission of growing disciples through bible study.

...even the mission of taking good care of the material possessions I am blessed to be entrusted with (starting today, with cleaning my own house for the first time in two months).

And I am once again filled with an overwhelming desire to press on in the mission of bringing new children into our family through adoption, and the mission of spreading God's Good News and being God's hands and feet to those in need in our neighborhood and around the world.  In fact, it seems another of God's crazy-cool coincidences in timing that this Sunday our church started a three-week series on adoption.  Adel and I nearly sobbed when the pastor announced that our church had picked 100 local kids to highlight during this series, in hopes that our congregation could prayerfully find good homes for them.  We couldn't help but feel that one of those (or more) might be ours.  It was the same kind of sobbing joy you feel when you see your first ultrasound of your baby's heartbeat, and You Know this is a gift from God.

I know so many people have been praying for me, and for my family, and dear friends, I can feel it.  God is so good that my heart wants to explode with excitement for the turning of the pages in my life, for the beauty as well as the struggle.

Before my dad died, when my heart broke in new ways every day, I knew God would give me strength through it, but I didn't want to go there.  I cried out to God, "I don't want to be strong enough for this!  I don't want to do this!"  I still don't want it to have happened.  I wish I could undo it all.  But through God's undeniable, unbelievable strength, His sustaining hand, I am made strong enough to walk out of even this fire refined, burnished, stronger and more sure than ever that I serve a great God.  I have a new heart for God's Big Picture.  And it starts right here in this day of listening to music, reading His Word, writing, writing, writing, and folding laundry.

Celebration of Life

What a perfect night we had on Saturday, with friends and family gathered around tables, hugging, laughing, crying, and remembering my dad.  My mom was so anxious for it, because she knew with each hug, she would cry, and it would be so hard to share her grief with everyone.  But in the end, I think the sharing of grief actually helps ease the burden.  Each hug exchanged a little more healing for the brokenness.

Dad's LSU display

Uncle Tom offered to MC the night, and he was wonderful at getting control, keeping it moving, and helping us recover from the harder moments.  Matt and Paul made a video of my dad's life.  It was so wonderful to watch and be reminded of all the amazing things we have done together, and the fun, adventurous, loving dad I had.  Here is a link to the video: A Celebration of Life.  There were a few minutes in the video that were really hard for me to see, but still good: the picture of me with long brown hair, looking so much like Abby, and snuggling with my dad; the picture of Dad walking me down the aisle; and the picture of little toddler Isaac "shaving" next to his Boppa.

Photo displays.

Brian Marcotte, Dad's boss and good friend, was the main speaker.  He shared lots of stories of my dad, many of which I was a part of and can remember well.  He also Talked about Dad's character, how he was unrufflable, which he didn't think is a real word, but should be.  At the end of his talk, Brian gave Mom a feather and had a basket of feathers for everyone to choose from to remember Dad.  

Collage displays.

Others talked and told stories, and all had the same tone.  Dad was fun, adventurous, easy-going, calming.  They talked of how dad was happiest when he was with children, especially his own grandkids.  I was the last speaker of the night, just wanting to come up with Lindsay and tell everyone how dad loved his family by doing things with us and for us.  One of the ways he showed his love for us, was by making us breakfast or cookies, and the club that hosted Dad's celebration that night, was passing out cookies made from Dad's favorite family recipe.  

Belt buckles.

At the end of the night, I felt relieved that it was over, because it had definitely been a hard event to plan.  But mostly, I felt warm and grateful.  So many people knew me and came up to tell me stories about my dad or to encourage me in the days to come.  I received many kisses and hugs from Mom and Dad's friends from all over the world, and many decades of friendship.  

Unocal and Titan display.

Mostly, I felt grateful to be Dad's daughter.  In the stress and challenge of the past year of Dad's health, I had lost my sight of the span of his life.  It was so good to be reminded of his brown-hair days with beard, mustache, or clean-shaven; his running, camping, hiking, scuba diving, adventuring days; his father of baby girls days, clips in his hair, napping anywhere he sat; his days of faith in action, starting a church, hosting bible study, pointing others to Jesus through actions rather than words.  I had forgotten and it felt so good to have others remind me of who my dad was.  He was much bigger than I gave him credit for, which is pretty incredible, because I gave him a lot of credit.  

Boppa display.

I am so thankful for everyone who came that night, to help remind me, and each other, of the gift of a life well lived.  

Lagoys Are in the House

Adel's mom and dad and brother Allen came to visit this weekend, to support us through my dad's Celebration of Life event.  We don't get to see them as often as my parents, so it was wonderful to have good family time together.

Lolo and Isaac played some video games together. 

We went to Kemah, where Lolo used his military ID to get half price all-day tickets for the kids to ride as many rides as they wanted.  They have never done this before, so it was a great treat for them.  

And Abby went with Uncle Allen on "The Eagle", Kemah's newest ride.

It's a giant zip line for two.

She wasn't scared at all, didn't even scream.

It was a "Salute to the Military" day, so we got to see all kinds of military exhibits and trucks.  Here are the kids inside a Coast Guard boat. 

I'm thankful for my second family, and their support and love.