Ups and Downs

Since the discovery of tumors in Dad's brain, we have had lots of ups and downs.

I'll start with the downs, so I can end on a good note.  He is halfway through his radiation and showing little improvement in his communication.  This has had an effect on my mom.  We are all still hoping for a complete come-back, but each passing day without improvement dampens hope.  We may have to adjust to a new normal and the adjustment will be hardest on my mom.  She is having to re-learn how to keep up with their finances and she is not comfortable leaving him alone, so the worry is constant.

The moments when I focus on the chance that my dad may never be fully himself again are hard.  The moments I dwell on the inevitable loss are devastating.  I. hate. this.

That's where the thoughts go sometimes.  To grief and loss.  When they do, I feel like I've been punched in the soul.

But, there have been ups, too.   And that's where I want to end this.  My dad is amazing, always has been.  Even with his fatigue and condition, he loves us and shows it by the way he serves us.  Last weekend, we spent the day together and dad cooked us all breakfast.  One week after returning home from the hospital with multiple brain tumors.  Amazing.  Mom was worried that he couldn't follow the recipe, but thankfully he got it just right.

His goofy personality is still there. 

He still teases my mom any chance he can get.

And even though he's not himself, he still enjoys our company and is still helping around the house, walking the dog, and checking the mail.  He's a fighter.

Later that day, DD and Papa (Dad's mom and dad, who are fantastically fit and thriving in their 80s!), came to join us for some family time.

Mom cooked crab curry...

...and we enjoyed a spread of appetizers.

 On Tuesday, Lindsay and I went with Dad to the Astros.  We made it to the 7th inning stretch before Dad called it a night.  

I am appreciating every single moment I get with him.  There is so very much unknown in this, and so every day with him is a huge blessing.  He is slowed, but not in pain.  He is content and even happy.  There is so much good.  And this is where I try to keep my thoughts.  I am thankful for the good.