Perspective

If you've been a regular blog reader of mine (all two of you!), you know that I like to record my little epiphanies as a way to foster my own growth and encouragement when I'm struggling.  If it encourages anyone else to read my thoughts, that's a double blessing!  So here goes my latest:

I have been in a bit of a funk lately, as I am inclined to do when life throws me curveballs.  Ever since the chaos of Mom's surgery has ebbed and I have been back at home trying to press on with life while she prepares for her chemo, I have been fighting off the blues.  It has been really easy to dwell on how life is hard.  I have been thinking a lot about this lately and feeling pretty sorry for myself.

And I have been, because I am by no means above it, turning to some pretty shallow pleasures to get me through.  I have been eating a lot of melted cheese...grilled cheese sandwiches, mac and cheese, quesadillas, enchiladas...because melted cheese makes me so warm and happy.  I have been seeking to rest my weary mind with some numbing, brainless TV and my old friend Spider Solitaire has again become a habit to help me drift off to sleep.  Add to it all a glass of wine here and there (or there and here) and you get the picture.  I am waffling between wallowing, pressing on, and coping.

As I did my bible study yesterday (Beth Moore's Daniel...awesome, inspiring study), I felt like God spoke to me through the mourning of Daniel.  Daniel (chp 10) was morning the loss of his homeland during a time of traditional remembrance.  Many of the other Israelite exiles had returned to their homeland and begun rebuilding the temple, but faithful Daniel was too old to make the journey.  He was mourning the fact that he would never again see his beloved homeland.  He also, with his visions and prophecies, was mourning the difficult future his people would face.  I found the grief of this pillar of faith to be very heartening: so real, so human, and so relatable.  Even one who has such great faith can mourn.

And then I felt like God was, through Beth's words in the study, reminding me that even in our grief, He still has a purpose for us.  I have a strong belief that for this time in my life my purpose is to grow my faith, support and love my husband, teach and nurture my children, and inspire and minister to my friends-in-faith.  I feel so inspired at this moment to stop the in-dwelling of my thoughts on my own suffering and turn outward once again to pour out God's love on those around me.  He gives me so much and honestly I receive so much more when I let His blessings sift through my fingers to the family and friends in my life.  It's when I clench my fists tight and dwell on my problems and my needs that I keep God's mercy from flowing in me and through me.  I'm so thankful for this reminder.