Family Dynamics

I've decided to include this post about my relationship with my in-laws in the category of "Growing as a Godly Wife" because I think it is important to acknowledge that when you get married, you marry into a family.  And our latest trip to visit Adel's side of the family was a significant one for me.  For the first time in many years, we were returning to his parents' home rather than meeting them in San Diego as usual.  The significance of this was that being back in their house again brought back memories of the old days.  

I have many memories of our previous trips to their home from before we were married and in the early years of our marriage.  While I always had a good time during those visits and can say that I am truly blessed to have wonderful in-laws and a good relationship with them, there are also memories of some inner struggles that I associate with those first few years.  Now, let me make this perfectly clear: my in-laws have never given me the slightest reason to feel any discomfort.  They have always been accepting, and warm, and generous, and kind.  But, such as the insecure person that I am, those early visits here would still hit me now and then with self doubt or self condemnation.  

If I happened to commit any kind of faux pas or exhibit any kind of character flaw in those early years, I would have found myself muttering mumbled insecurities to Adel: "Do you think they noticed?"  "Do you think they minded?"  "Do you think they like me?"  Before we were married it was, "Do they like me as your girlfriend?"  After we were married it was, "Do they like me as your wife?"  After I had children it was, "Do they think I'm a good mom?"  This line of internal questioning went on for so many years that I figured it was just the way it was always going to be.  

But that's what was so exceptional about this latest visit.  That inward insecurity has been replaced with a sort of comfort and confidence that I didn't know I could feel.  Part of that confidence comes simply from the maturity of recognizing that not a single one of us is any better than any other.  We may not be the same, but weaknesses as well as strengths are something we all possess.  This realization makes me more comfortable living out my own weaknesses without feeling condemned by them.  The larger bulk of my newfound confidence, however, I believe comes from a different realization that again has to do with the passage of time.  

This time it is in regards to our marriage.  We have been married now for eight and a half years and we love each other more today than we did the day we were married.  Clearly, I am not going anywhere.  I'm in this for life.  There is a great deal of confidence in settling in and realizing that this is not just Adel's family we're visiting.  This is our family.  This is my mom and this is my dad and these are my brothers.  Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins?  Yep, all mine.  I may not have been raised by them or have grown up with the same influences and expectations.  And I may not always make the same life choices that they would make, but because I'm not going anywhere, we are family just the same.  I no longer feel like "Adel's girlfriend" or "Adel's wife."  I just feel like Megan, part of this family.

This level of acceptance makes me feel so free to be me, strengths and weaknesses and all.  Just like in any family, our personal strengths and weaknesses have found a way to blend and merge and shift around each other as we have grown together over the past eight years.  We have many differences, both big and small, but we also have little touchstones that bond us together.  Dad and I both have an inclination for eating out...pretty much anywhere.  Mom and I both like to sing and hum little songs that pop into our heads.  My brothers and I like to hang out and enjoy each other's humor over a video game, a card game, or even a "Little Mermaid" puzzle.  And we all share memories from over the years that will only grow deeper as more time goes by. 

Yes, this is my family, for better or for worse.