_______Christmas Spirit

In spite of my best efforts this holiday season to teach my kids about the joy of giving and our response to God's love, my children continually remind me that they are, indeed, human.

This morning, Isaac refused to share a new game with his sister and then locked himself in my bedroom (with wailing and gnashing of teeth) when I insisted.  I talked him out of the bedroom and tried to explain how his behavior was selfish.  He listened (sort of) with that glazed stare kids get when they're getting a lecture.  Then he begrudgingly shared with Abby.

Shortly after that, we opened the advent calendar door, which contains M&M's for the kids (pre-counted for fairness). I counted out six candies for Abby and six for Isaac.  He whined, "She got more than me!"

"Seriously?!" I thought to myself.  Out loud I sermonized, "You both got the same amount.  And besides, you didn't earn those candies.  You didn't do anything to deserve them. They are a gift because I love you.  Mommy and Daddy provide your food, your clothes, your nice warm bed, everything you need.  Anything extra is just a gift because we love you."  His eyes glazed over before I finished the first word.

Isaac's behavior this morning brought me back to Christmas three years ago when Isaac was just fifteen months old.  I had been expecting the best Christmas ever that year as I watched my first child, newly walking, talking, and very much aware of new toys.  Instead, we had probably the most frustrating Christmas on record in my family.  Isaac fought, whined, and hissy-fitted his way through Christmas day. Every new toy of his that his eighteen-month-old cousin Lily reached for, created the most intense howls of displeasure. And, the toy-of-all-toys that was most genuinely coveted by young Isaac was Lily's brand new baby doll stroller.  She, naturally, loved her new stroller and spent the day joyously pushing it around the house.  Isaac spent the day following her in a trail of tears.

After Isaac's behavior this morning, I began to fear a repeat performance. I thought about threatening to take away the dollar that we had found in his pant's pocket (don't ask...I have no idea why my four year old has a dollar in his pocket. The pants are hand-me-down is my only explanation).  He was already scheming to go to the dollar store and buy the mock-transformer toy that he pined over for days when we bought it for an underprivileged child in a third world country for Operation Christmas Child.  Heaven forbid that poor child should have a toy our son doesn't have.  Isaac had plans for that dollar.

I almost made the threat.  But then I had a flash of inspiration.  I sat Isaac down on my lap and explained to him that being selfish and greedy are things that bad guys do. Good guys share and love and give to make others happy. This may sound harsh but my boy thinks in black and white. There are good guys and there are bad guys and he wants more than anything to be a good guy.  He just had trouble seeing through his own behavior until it was put into those terms.  And, for the record, I never actually called him a bad guy.  I just pointed out that selfishness is not good guy behavior.  Finally, the glaze disappeared from his eyes and he blinked back some tears.

I asked him, "Are you sad because you see how your behavior isn't good?"  He nodded.  I hugged him to me and assured him that I love him even when he makes mistakes. Then we talked about some ways to behave "like a good guy."  Throughout the day, I have been conscientiously correcting his responses and he has been teachable since the bad-guy / good-guy explanation.  "Isaac, instead of saying 'I want that one!' why don't you ask your sister which one she wants?  That would be very loving and generous of you."  He offered to share his french fries and nuggets with Abby at McDonald's today and didn't throw a fit when I told him we would not be getting happy meal toys.

So, he's learning.  And on Christmas day we'll be having this conversation again before we head downstairs to open presents.  Christmas is supposed to be a day of giving and of loving.  Isaac's behavior simply reminds me of the human condition: "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). There's not a single person in this world who behaves completely without selfishness.  Including Little Miss Preacher here.  Just this morning, Isaac woke me up from the most lovely dream where someone handed me a wad of cash and I went shopping for new shoes (lots of them!).  And when I don't get my way, it's not always a pretty sight.  But having my own children to teach helps me so much to learn for myself about giving and loving and the true spirit of Christmas.