Disneyland

 We arrived at the park early enough to be there for the daily "grand opening," which meant no one was in our castle picture...yay, iconic.

We hit Fantasyland first, to do all the essential kiddy rides...Peter Pan. 

Dumbo.

Isaac was thrilled to be old enough to ride Dumbo by himself!

Casey Jr. (caged monkies).

King Arthur's Carousel.

And, of course we had to try again to be the next king of Camelot.  

Not this year.

Move over kids, let Mommy show you how to do it.

Teacups. 

It's a Small World.

Then we headed over to Tomorrow Land.

Autopia.

Buzz Lightyear's Astroblasters.

After that, we were joined by "The Uncles," Adel's brother's, Adrian and Allen and we jumped back and forth between both sides of the park.

Jungle Cruise (I love the expressions on their faces, not sure if the danger is real or not).

And here, Isaac is showing his years, getting the jokes, while Abby still is fully taken in.

The boys went on Indiana Jones (Isaac was so excited to be tall enough this year to ride) and Abby and I went to meet some princesses...Sleeping Beauty.

Abby was happy that Sleeping Beauty "remembered" meeting her before.

And she was equally happy to meet Snow White...

...and Cinderella for the first time.

Later we snagged a photo opp with Aladdin. 

Waiting in line with The Uncles for Matterhorn.

After surviving and enjoying the Haunted Mansion twice, Abby stopped passersby with her insanely fast consumption of cotton candy.

Nom nom...

A quiet dinner at the Blue Bayou.

And, we ended the night with a Mickey pic and a great view of the mainstreet fireworks.

Downtown Disney

The first thing we did when we arrived in California was to go pick up one of our favorite California treats, In n Out burgers, fries, and shakes.  And we found a nice spot where we could eat looking over the beach. (Notice Abby wearing a jacket.  We have definitely acclimated to Texas heat...we feel cold in California's summer!)

Then, after driving from San Diego, to Anaheim, we had a couple of hours before we could check in to our hotel.  So we went to Downtown Disney to play at the arcade at the ESPN Zone.  We found this 4-way air hockey table, that we thought was really cool.

 ...until we found this even cooler pacman air hockey table (also for 4 players)...

 Except this one drops dozens of pucks at a time for crazy air-hockey madness.  I want one.

 We raced cars together and played a few more games before checking in at the hotel and then heading back to Downtown Disney for check in (the hotel is right down the street).

We shopped for souvenirs at the Lego Store and the Disney Store. 

Lego Aladdin and Jasmine.

Lego Gandolf.

Isaac laughing at how Lego Hulk appears to be holding Abby by the head.

Then we went to the Storyteller's Cafe for the kids' favorite, make-your-own Mickey Pizza.

And we enjoyed dinner with Uncle Adrian.

Tomorrow...Disneyland!

Focus Shift

The retreat this weekend started off as wonderful as I had hoped, with time in community and worship, as well as blissfully solitary time in prayer and God's word.  Then a flip switched and my old enemy insecurity took over.  I know what caused it, but that really doesn't matter.  It's like when you have a fight with your spouse and months later you remember the fight, but not what started it, because, in the end, what started it doesn't really matter.  It's not what caused my insecurity that matters.  What matters is my heart condition that could lead me to feeling insecure.

Part of my heart condition is due to what I wrote about in my last post, about having cheated my quality time with God in the last six months.  I am certain that is what left me vulnerable to attack, even as I began (or maybe even because I began) to reestablish time with God this weekend.  It makes sense that my identity in Him would be weak when I haven't spent much time in His word.

As a believer who struggles with insecurity, my goal is always to refuse to let my insecurity govern my decisions.  If I feel insecure in a certain situation into which I feel called, I always aim to walk with God's grace into the situation, rather than avoiding it.  That in itself is not easy, but I believe it is walking in faith.  For example, last fall I made a rather large error in judgement that several people knew about.  That very same night I had a meeting attended by some of those people who knew about my mistake and who were affected by it.  I really didn't want to go.  I felt extremely insecure and exposed walking in and having to face and apologize to those who had seen me fail.  But I made myself do it because I believe that to do otherwise would be to deny my identity and unconditional acceptance in Christ.  If I truly believe that I am fully loved and fully accepted by the God of the universe, then my mistakes do not have to paralyze me.

So, upon this line of thinking, I refused to let my insecurity keep me from engaging in the activities and interactions of the retreat. I also went to God's word and reminded myself of some passages that help me root my identity in Him alone.  I prayed, asking God to remove the feeling of insecurity and to help me be renewed in His love and grace.  But the feeling did not go away.  close to the end of the day, a friend asked me how I was doing.  Sometimes that is a dangerous thing to do!  So, of course, being very incapable of hiding my emotions, I unloaded upon her my tearful confession of the insecurity I was feeling.  She gave me words of grace and the act of confession itself helped lift my burden quite a bit.  But even as I came home from the retreat, I could feel the insecurity creeping back.

As it did, and as I stewed again on the cause and the feelings, I began to think these thoughts: Oh, how I despise that feeling of insecurity.  I am shamed by it.  I feel that as a follower of Christ, one privileged to serve the God of glory, I should not feel that way.  I feel weak and lame.  I begin to doubt that I am even worthy of serving God in any capacity, much less for such an amazing church and among such an amazing staff as I do.  How can I serve and teach tomorrow if I am still feeling this way?  I want to feel confident and full of God's amazing love.  I want to have His peace that will never leave me.  I want to feel and be so many things.  I want. I want.  I. I. I. I....

I spoke those thoughts in my mind all the way home in the car.  Until I sat down to write at my computer, thinking maybe writing about it would help bring me to clarity, as it so often does.  And sure enough, it did again tonight.  It was the "I. I. I. I." in my thinking that did it.  As I pulled up the pages of scripture I have compiled to help me through various areas of personal weakness, I was drawn to the one entitled "Praises."  Here is what I wrote at the top of the page:

"When my mind is filled with unhelpful thoughts of others (their opinion of me or how they are failing me) and of myself (my insecurities, my shortcomings, and my mistakes), these verses help me shift my focus to the One who truly deserves it."

And whabam, I am faced with the realization that giving in to insecure thought patterns, even in the form of crying out to God in prayer, is really the same as denying my identity in Him.  Even worse, it is really the same as idol worship.  And with the I. I. I. I. in my thought pattern, it's not too hard to see who is the object of my idolatry.  Good ole me, robbing God of His glory again by obsessing over myself!  Funny how even my insecurity is a form of self absorption and pride (and helps to explain how I can be at once over-confident and insecure...they are so related because they are both so full of SELF).

Thus, this is where I humble myself before the Lord my God and confess my self-absorption.  I confess that I have been more concerned with how I feel than in serving God and glorifying Him.  And I remind myself of Moses: not awesome, glow-faced, ten-commandments Moses, but wimpy, insecure burning-bush Moses.  In Exodus chapters three and four, God tells Moses to go lead His people out of Egypt, and Moses comes up with five I-centered, self-absorbed excuses why He shouldn't be the one (3:11, 3:13, 4:1, 4:10, 4:13).  After the fifth excuse, "please send by the hand of whomever else You may send," (excuse translated: anyone else would be better than me!), God finally just gets flat-out angry at Moses.  It's as if God is saying, "Moses/Megan stop being so self-absorbed and just obey and glorify Me."  Once you realize that, the only faithful response can be, "Yes Lord!"

So before I go another minute, or serve another day in teaching and ministering to the needs of others, I will spend my focus on the only One who truly deserves it.  Here are the passages of scripture I have compiled to help me focus on the worthiness of God to be glorified by my thoughts as well as my actions:

• Praise for God's plan and how He loves us: Psalm 8
• Praise for God's goodness: Psalm 103
• Praise for God's wonder: Psalm 145
• Praise for God's wisdom: Daniel 2:20-23
• Praise for God's power: Ephesians 3:20-21
• Praise for Christ's final victory: Hebrews 7:26-27
• Praise for God's good gifts and constancy: James 1:17
• Praise for God's glory: Revelation 4:8-11
• Praise for Christ's glory: Revelation 22: 16-17

And even as I simply begin the journey of re-focusing my eyes on the God who is so worthy of my praise, my insecurity melts away.  It is not about me.  I am about Him.  He is so worthy.

Repentant Heart

I have not spent enough time with God since I started working.  It's not that I have stopped reading my bible or praying altogether, it is just that the quality as well as the quantity of my time with God has been diminished.  Even though my "job" is actually a ministry, I am now feeling the result of the last six months spent head over heals overwhelmed and choosing to prepare for my responsibilities rather than choosing to sit with my Creator.  I am feeling the last six months of looking to horizontal relationships for my identity rather than to my Redeemer.  I feel burnt out, frustrated, and weak.

This seems a crazy place to be in, considering it was just last October that I wrote a post called Walking with God, at the height of my connectedness to Him.  Back then, I was hearing from Him regularly.  Now I rarely hear from Him, and I don't believe it's because He's stopped talking.  I believe I have stopped listening.  Understandably, the last thing I recall God clearly speaking to me was through this passage:

Deuteronomy 7:7-9

⁷ It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, ⁸ but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. 

It is His words to His people Israel just before they enter into the promised land.  He tells them that He didn't choose them because they earned it; He chose them just because he loves them.  And then He goes on to warn them over and over again not to forget Him when they enter the promised land.

So many times God has spoken to me through His word, and even in this unlikely book of Deuteronomy, as I read this passage, I got the Holy Spirit nudge that let me know that, though God was speaking to His people Israel, He was also speaking to me.  I read this passage very soon after I started my job and I knew that God was giving me a similar warning.

Oh, how many times I have read about those "stiff-necked" Israelites and judged them for their inability to remain faithful to God.  It's so OBVIOUS, people!  And yet, here I find myself having done the exact same thing.

Today, God used a passage in Romans to remind me of that message in Deuteronomy and how I am in just as much need of a Savior as they are:


Romans 10:1-3

10 Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. ² For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. ³ For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness.

God, I repent of my proud, hard heart, of behaving in such a way that my righteousness would appear to be enough, so much that I no longer need You.  I repent of choosing anything at all, even the busyness of ministry, over You.  I am ready to stop making excuses and to set aside quality time again to be in Your word, and listening for your word to me. I have a plan to move forward in a way that helps me have better quality time with God and establishes better boundaries with other commitments.  This weekend I am going to a church retreat, and I pray that it will be a time of renewal for me, a time when I can soak in God's wisdom, love, and strength.  Amen!

Moab, Day 2: Oowah Lake

The first unplanned event of the afternoon was that Isaac lost his tooth.

Then, back in the car for a trip to Oowah Lake

We drove past cows and Aspen trees.

Exploring the lake!

Time for fishing!

Isaac decided to play rather than fish. He found some fishing line and made a little boat that he could pull back in.

 Amelia was so proud of the fish she and Aubrey caught.

The As piled the kids in the car to go clean the fish in the stream.

And a nice park ranger gave the kids some freebies before they left.

Mr. James showed us how to debone the trout.

Sarah and Peter win "most festive" for 4th of July.

And the kids show their patriotic spirit of goofiness while posing with their American flags.

On the way back down, we had a stand off with this cow.

And the kids got even goofier in the car.

The night ended in tears rather than fireworks because they were all just so tired! But it was a great, adventurous day, and a great 4th of July.