When Isaac was born, almost eight years ago, God broke my heart for the child who was not loved like my baby was loved. I remember thinking, “How can it be that any child should not be loved as much as this one?” That’s when the seeds of adoption were planted in my heart.
If you look back over a few other blog posts on the subject of adoption, you will see that there have been other times when I thought we were moving forward, taking steps to begin the process, or at least to explore the possibilities (About Adoption and About Adoption Part 2). But even the adoption conference in 2010 ended with a dead-end. Since that conference was in Dallas, all the agencies and children needing homes were in Dallas and, with us living in Houston, that’s where it stopped.
There were several local classes on adoption offered after that time, but they would either get canceled right before they were about to begin, or the day of the week conflicted with our schedule and we never made it to one. I never stopped thinking about it, but I felt like the invisible brakes were on somehow.
Then Focus on the Family’s Wait No More conference came to Houston this April. This is the same conference we attended in Dallas, the one we couldn’t move forward with because it was not in our city...well now it was! Funny thing about the timing of the Houston conference, though: Adel would be out of the country on a mission trip to Honduras.
Of course, I had considered going on the mission trip with Adel, especially since my good friend Shannon was going with her husband already. But with my new job and trying to finish the school year without dunking the commitments I had made before taking on a job, in the end I felt much too overwhelmed to go away for a week, even for a mission trip with my husband.
So when I found out about the conference I was pretty excited and determined. I told Adel about it, and he agreed that I should attend, even though he couldn’t, and that I should get all the information to get the process started. At the conference, after the presenters, (I really could have skipped that part this time...the presenters are motivational and I have been motivated, just not equipped, for so many years now that I was thinking, “just stop talking and let me at them! I’m ready!”) I marched straight up to the Child Protective Services booth and signed up for their orientation.
Two weeks later we sat in a CPS orientation with a few other couples and listened to their spiel while we filled out some basic paperwork. And now this Saturday we are attending the first of two classes that they are offering just to parents who attended the Wait No More conference, to streamline the process.
In so many ways, the timing couldn’t be worse. The classes are this Saturday and next Saturday, the last two weekends of the school year (the end of the school year is never busy, right?! Ha!). Both weekends, we have house guests already planned to be here, so we will be trying to host friends while being absent for an entire day of their weekend stay (this makes me feel so incredibly lame, but they are our friends and I know they know there is something much bigger going on here). And I am just finishing up this semester of juggling work commitments with too many non-work commitments. I feel CRAZY and taking on one more thing is exactly the last thing I need to do.
But, for the first time in eight years of talk about adoption, our momentum is moving forward, our faith is in action, and I am not going to be the one to stop it. As I was complaining to a new friend of mine about how crazy this timing is and how crazy I feel, she gently pointed out to me that, even though God had invited me into this situation, in turn, I need to invite Him into the situation.
Her words made me realized that I have been seeing these all-day Saturday classes as just another thing on my way-too-long-to-do list, when they are really spiritual, divine appointments. Even now, in this part of the journey, I need to be bringing my life and my circumstances before the Lord, with open palms giving Him the control and asking Him for guidance as we make decisions for our future.
And then God also brought this scripture to mind; it is Hannah’s words at the dedication of her son Samuel, after years of barrenness and ridicule:
“The Lord kills and makes alive;
He brings down to the grave and brings up.
The Lord makes poor and makes rich;
He brings low and lifts up.
He raises the poor from the dust
And lifts the beggar from the ash heap,
To set them among princes
And make them inherit the throne of glory
For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s,
And He has set the world upon them.
He will guard the feet of His saints,
But the wicked shall be silent in darkness.
For by strength no man shall prevail.
The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken in pieces;
From heaven He will thunder against them.
The Lord will judge the ends of the earth.
He will give strength to His king,
And exalt the horn of His anointed.”
1 Samuel 2:6-10 (emphasis mine)
These words are perfect for this time when I am feeling overwhelmed and weak. I need to invite the Lord into this situation to be my strength. And what better timing for a major life change than one where the Lord’s strength is evident rather than my own?
Lord, please enter into my situation and my schedule. Every moment of each day during these next two weeks, when I have a dozen loose ends to tie up on various work and non-work commitments, and I’m trying to find the right priorities as well with friends, visitors, and family, please help me to choose what is best in that moment. Lord, I invite you in to the adoption classes and I ask that you would help Adel and I to recognize the spiritual significance of those days, and prayerfully make you a part of it. I pray that you would prepare our hearts for the big decision of whether this is the right time and whether this is the right path for us. No matter how this ends, we want you to be a part of every moment and every decision. Amen.
