Critter's Revenge

(If you haven't read the prior post first, you should do so, as this one will make a little more sense.)

Well, God must have read my blog from Monday and not been too pleased with my boasting about how I conquered what I consider to be a boy task, because today, well, I really got what was coming to me.  It seems like every time (or at least every other time) Adel goes out of town something horrific or revolting happens here at home, something that I most definitely consider to require a man's assistance, something that I am forced to deal with myself in the absence of my hero.  I've had the 15-foot-ceiling smoke detector beeping at four in the morning and an unwelcome mouse-in-residence for a week.  So far I have overcome the challenges (although not without lots of whining), but today's incident nearly pushed me overboard.

I was unloading the towels from the washing machine to the dryer.  As I got down to the last few towels, I screamed in horror as crumpled, but still distinguishable at the bottom of the wash basin, was a ginormous spider.  The spider was dead but that did nothing to quell my repugnance as, even dead, it was the largest spider I have ever seen outside of the zoo or the television set.  Its body was the size of a large grape and its legs were thick and sturdy enough to remain intact through an entire wash cycle with a load of towels.  Vomitous!

I would love to regale you with how bravely I defeated this new challenge.  But the best I can do is to relate with what heroics I slammed the washer lid shut; with what dauntlessness I shivered as I realized the creature must have been in the towels when I picked them up the first time to put them in the wash; with what hardiness I paced the floors trying to think up which of my neighbors would be more suitable for the task of hero-substitute; with what mettle I asked my four-year-old son if he was up for the enterprise (he wasn't - smart kid!);  with what fortitude my stomach refused breakfast after this discovery; and with what valor I shuddered as I completed ordinary activities today such as slipping my foot into a shoe, wrapping myself in a towel, or picking a blanket up off the floor.  With all the courage I could muster, I had finally thought up a neighbor to bother with my dilemma.

You see, the removal of the spider could not wait for Adel's return as I had to clean and pack our clothes for our upcoming trip.  It HAD to be done.  And while I was on my way valiantly out the door to beg my neighbor's help, I had a brief moment of actual courage (bravery, heroics, dauntlessness, hardiness, mettle, fortitude, valor, valiance...).  I picked up the vacuum hose and screamed heroically while the horrible beast was sucked into the vacuum.  Then I boldly dropped the vacuum hose and ran screaming from the room.  Thus, one more totally male task (I want no argument here) was completed in the absence of a male.  And, no, I will not be emptying the vacuum canister myself!

PS, dear God, I am totally, humbly, NOT bragging here and I do not need any further proof or test of what a huge wuss I am.  There is absolutely no bravery here and I do not wish to have to prove that further!  So please don't send any worse horror to my house when my husband is out of town!